Later stages of capitalism

monopoly

The time machine is invented. The proletariat work for 682 hours per day, while the upper classes enjoy vacations to the unspoiled beaches of Earth in the Cretaceous period. A venture capitalist accidentally steps on a butterfly in the distant past, and returns to find that all his friends and family members have become socialists.

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The revolutionary iPhone 32 fills every level of need on Maslow’s Hierarchy. With nothing left to strive for, humanity fritters away the rest of its existence playing Candy Crush.

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A Starbucks opens across the street from another Starbucks. At every corner of an intersection, a Starbucks squats. All buildings begin to change into Starbucks. A Starbucks opens inside another Starbucks. Humanity retreats underground into Starbucks-branded Comfort Warrens, no longer needing the sun for light and energy. Everyone is producing at maximum capacity, but the only things humanity creates are new inspirational quotes to slap on the side of disposable cups.

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A new generation of business jargon arises, this one composed entirely of wordless gestures. Instead of saying “Let’s table that for later,” a junior accountant performs a dance so moving that it brings tears to the eyes of the Vice President of Marketing.

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Trend pieces are published about a hip new activity all the kids are doing these days: “working” for “money” in order to “purchase goods and services.”

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