Earth law v. Sky law

Welcome to my humble home


There are many countries on this planet of ours, and they have many legal codes, but each and every one of those laws has one thing in common: they all assume that the citizens who uphold them are standing firmly on the ground, not hurtling through the air at hundreds of miles per hour.

Yes, there is another set of laws, a universal code of conduct, that applies to everyone who is currently strapped into a combination chair/floatation device/fart repository in the stratosphere. From the moment you cross the strangely ovoid threshold of an airplane, you agree to be bound by these ancient and mystic laws.

Everyone must bring a packet of either mixed nuts or chocolate. This is the first and most important rule of Sky Law.

Normal entertainment genres do not exist in the sky. From wheels up to wheels down, reality tv is the highest form of art, and you will watch four hours of Shark Tank with the discernment of an opera fan enjoying Puccini.

On the ground, we understand that turbulence is a normal and harmless occurrence that happens when a plane hits small air pockets. In the air, turbulence exists to remind us that it has been a long time since we last believed in an all-powerful deity, but we will definitely, probably, possibly go to church if we survive this flight.

Worst crimes on earth: murder, rape, torture, genocide. Worst crimes in the sky: smelling bad, hogging the armrest, being in possession of a fussy baby.

The capacity of the overhead bins is n – 1, with n being the number of bags that passengers expect to fit in the bins, and 1 being that guy who boarded last and is mad that there’s no room for his massive and valuable carry-on. This last bag will be taken to the cargo area, where it will vanish into an alternate dimension, never be seen again. Such are the sacrifices demanded by Sky law.

Welcome to my humble home

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