How to Ruin Your Productivity and Destroy Your Life: tips from my new self-help book

Thinking about starting a project? One project is for losers. Try starting five projects, then get overworked and never complete any of them.

How many hours are you sleeping per night? 8 hours? Yeah, that’s a time-waster right there. Hack your sleep schedule with a series of 5 minute power naps; this is guaranteed to turbo-charge your REM cycle. Plus, studies have shown that you’ll be 2% more creative while you’re hallucinating from sleep deprivation.

Find your mantra. Suggestions: “Oh god, how am I ever going to make this work?” or “I’m a failure, I’m a complete failure, everyone who’s relying on me is going to be so disappointed.”

Remember: the true goal of productivity is to become so productive that you can devote your entire workday to further honing your productivity. Before performing even the simplest actions, check Lifehacker.com to ensure that your task is completely optimized.

Here’s a cool way to make deadlines work for you: become so paralyzed with indecision that you fritter away all your work time, then rush to get something ready to go just before the deadline.

“Practice” is another word for “waste of time.” Produce something perfect on the first try. Then you won’t have to practice.