I will pay you to let me dress like a superhero

Ye Olde Slashe Shippes: Lanval
Ask two Jews, get three Seders

Come on, studio executives claiming that you’re not making movies about women because women don’t buy merchandise. I don’t know what wacky planet you’re from, but here on Earth, multiple billion-dollar industries exist solely to provide women with merchandise. Female humans in first-world countries are exposed to ads shilling stupid crap from pretty much the moment we’re born. “Ladies be shopping” is one of the most pervasive stereotypes here on Earth, although on your world, I guess it’s “ladies go around clothed in rags and burlap, for they have forsworn all worldly possessions.”

Are women buying your merchandise? No, we aren’t, because you won’t make merchandise for us. You apparently haven’t noticed this yet, studio executive from another planet, but us women have these crazy things called “breasts” and “hips” and “societal standards that prevent us from wearing t-shirts to work” to deal with. Give us something to work with, here.

Because it is not that hard to produce something us female humans will wear. Last year, Forever 21 made 3.7 billion dollars, and 90% of what they sell, as far as I can tell, are Navajo-ripoff-print miniskirts and lime green translucent t-shirts with one shoulder ripped off. Some women are into the mid-2000s raver recently attacked by bears look, I guess. Other women are into–get this–tasteful, well-made clothes that evoke their favorite characters.


Source. I would buy every single one of these if I could.

Women are so desperate to clothe their bodies with such things that when we can’t find what we want in stores, we’re making it ourselves. Yes, that’s a Thor-inspired dress in progress, and it is super cute. I would buy that in a store, with real money, if only you’d let me. Here’s one of many Captain America dresses. Here’s an Iron Man evening gown. Here’s Spider Man and Loki and Wolverine and Batman and Superman and the Hulk and  Green Lantern and Hawkeye and Aquaman. And these are just dresses that a normal woman could wear out and about–I’m not even going to go into jewelry, makeup, jackets, purses, or cosplay costumes.

Marvel dresses

Source. Hello, Marvel? I want you to take my money.

Notice something with my examples up above? You probably haven’t, executive from planet No Girls Allowed, so let me spell it out for you: all of those characters above are male, and yet women are trying to dress like them anyway. Why? Because we have almost no female characters to emulate. And when you do deign to put a woman on screen, well, have you ever tried sitting down on public transit in a leotard? Have you ever shown up to work in a catsuit? Try it sometime, let me know how that goes for you.

Please, studio executives from a world where up is down, black is white, and women are never marketed to. You’re on Earth now, and thousands of women are trying to give you money. We will pay you to let us dress like the characters you own. Please let us.

Ye Olde Slashe Shippes: Lanval
Ask two Jews, get three Seders