Roy Moore knows the secret of bisexuals

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is concerned that two bisexuals who get married would create a family of four. And he’s absolutely right.

As Roy Moore knows, all bisexuals are actually composed of two very short people pretending to be one normal-sized adult human. That is why bisexuals always wear figure-concealing trench coats. When someone is referred to as bi-curious, that means that they’re curious about what is under a bisexual person’s coat.

You may hear bisexual activists talking about bisexual invisibility. They are referring to the person who forms the “legs” of the bisexual, who must go through life concealed by the ever-present coat, always supporting the weight of the visible portion of the bisexual.

It can be difficult to come out as bisexual. Some bisexuals prefer to drop the fact that they are actually two tiny people casually into conversation; others choose to reveal this only to close friends. A bisexual who has not come out is referred to as “in the closet,” because they have to spend a lot of time choosing clothing that will conceal the fact that they are actually two people.

If a bisexual marries another bisexual, then obviously there would be four people in that marriage: the two bisexuals, the chiropractor who adjusts the backs of the invisible bisexuals, and the ever-present concern of Roy Moore.