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Times New Roman is the best font

Infinite Worlds gallery opening party at the EMP
Four facts about Millennials that will blow your mind

TNR

It has come to my attention that design experts are advising job seekers not to use Times New Roman on their resumes. This is blatant propaganda from Big Helvetica. Times New Roman is the font for all of us. It is the font that should unite us, not divide us.

Times New Roman is the font equivalent of a firm but not crushing handshake. It is a well-tailored pantsuit in a neutral color. If you met it at a conference, it would offer you a simple, easy-to-read business card on stock that is pleasantly thick and creamy to the touch but not overbearingly textured.

Look at me, the other fonts say. Admire my kerning. Marvel at the height of my apex. Blush at my scandalous lack of serifs. Times New Roman will never resort to this sort of tomfoolery. It is not going to jump up and down to get your attention. It knows its own worth.

Times New Roman knows that you aren’t here to play games. Times New Roman is a plain black picture frame at a reasonable price point. Is the picture inside beautiful? That’s not Times New Roman’s problem.

If fonts were hats, Arial would be a golf hat worn at dinner, Comic Sans would be one of those beanies with a propeller on top, and Times New Roman would be a simple side-parted hairstyle with no adornment needed.

Times New Roman for my resume. Times New Roman for my tattoos. Times New Roman for my firstborn child’s birthday party invitations. Embrace Times New Roman, and it will pull you into a strong but compassionate hug, pat you firmly on the back, and release you promptly. Times New Roman is not going to make it weird for you.

Infinite Worlds gallery opening party at the EMP
Four facts about Millennials that will blow your mind

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