It’s Passover, which means that it’s time for the annual arguing over what is and isn’t kosher for Passover. Judaism is an ancient religion with a proud tradition of academic debate, which means that when it comes to dietary restrictions, some of us are noshing on shrimp tartar and some won’t drink tap water (this is a true story).
With that in mind, here are a few types of people you’ll meet on Passover when you ask, “Hey, can Jews eat bread?”
The Pretty Sure This is Kosher
This person doesn’t follow kosher laws too strictly most of the year, but Passover is a special time to remember your ancestors by forgoing yeast. Or wheat. Or five grains. Or leavened bread. What was it again?
This person is eating:
The Spirit of the Law
Five grains? Fah! This person has given up all consumption of rice, legumes, foods which might have touched some wheat at some point, corn, potato chips, bran muffins, chia seeds, quinoa, and joy.
This person is eating:
The Jewish Lent
Why do we give up bread on Passover again? It’s an atonement thing, right?
This Jew is pretty sure that bagels are off the menu but can’t remember why. It’s because they’re delicious, right? Yeah, that must be it. Nobody would eat gefilte fish if they weren’t atoning for something.
This person is eating:
The Defiantly Unkosher
“Oh yeah, it’s Passover,” this person says around a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger before washing it down with beer. They will buy one box of matzo in commemoration of the holiday, which they will eat with shrimp dip.
This person is eating:
