I tried to prove to Isaac that I can be very resourceful in a crisis by installing a bidet by myself, and of course, I broke the toilet supply line. It’s not a crisis since we have a second bathroom, but I’m very embarrassed, and now I have to hire a plumber to come fix it. The biggest problem is that I have to get all plumbing projects approved by our condo’s building manager, whose job mostly consists of telling us to solve problems ourselves and then telling us our proposed solutions aren’t allowed.
I started working on a script about Typhoid Mary, but cracking jokes about an epidemic didn’t feel right, so I switched to an episode on Soapy Smith instead. A few members of the colorful cast of characters:
- “Ice Box” Murphy, whose attempt to rob a meat market once went awry when he dynamited the meat locker instead of the payroll safe.
- “Texas Jack” Vermillion, also known as “Shoot-Your-Eye-Out Vermillion,” a gunfighter with a nasty habit of killing people at card games
- “Sure-shot” Tom Cady, who had a quick draw and was said to have perfect aim
- “Big Ed” Burns, another bunco gang leader, extradited from Chicago where he was known as “Elephantine Edward of the Floating Palace” for selling liquor illegally from a boat on Lake Michigan.
- “Shotgun” Tom Collins, who wielded a shotgun so powerful he could blow a man in half
For exercise, I’ve been playing a lot of Stardew Valley on the treadmill desk. I have plenty of other games to play, but I keep on planting parsnips instead. Stardew is probably our nation’s main source of serotonin at this point.