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Ladies! Is your clock ticking? Do you have separate Pinterest boards for your wedding cake, bachelorette party cake,  wedding shower cake, reception cake, rehearsal dinner cake, and post-honeymoon cake? Is the wedding dress that you wear daily beginning to look a little threadbare? Are you considering taking in a winsome orphan just to teach her that the world is terrible and men are not to be trusted? Do you want to be joined in holy matrimony to a human male?

Don’t ask a man to marry you. That would be bad, for reasons we can’t actually articulate. Instead, let him know that you having a burning desire to be married without actually opening your mouth and talking to him.

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Wear rings on every digit but your left ring finger. Raise your hand occasionally to his eye level and glance significantly at your empty finger. He’ll get the picture.

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Bake him an engagement chicken. Flavor it so well that as soon as the first bite passes his lips, he will lose the ability to return to the mortal realm, and must pass a hundred years with you beneath the earth. Your groom’s altered perception of time and reality is going to make planning the reception difficult, but it’s a small price to pay for ensnaring him in the realm of Fae!

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Make him realize that he can’t live without you. Sabotage the life support system. I’m afraid I can’t be single, David.

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Drop subtle hints. Flutter your eyelashes longingly every time you pass a wedding dress shop. Pause for an instant and sigh in a barely noticeable way every time a friend announces her engagement. Take a vow of silence. Let him know your thoughts on the wedding theme (preferred colors: gold and mauve) solely through interpretive dance.