Kaiju powers

The Host

• HR Giger lips
• Skull vomiting
• Gross little arms
• Power of bringing dysfunctional family together
• (Special Move) Power of thinly veiled allegory for American imperialism

Otachi

• Acid barf
• Power of flight
• Power to create life
• Power to create references to Jeff Goldblum movies
• Power of plot complications
• Power of forgetting to mention Chekhov’s Sword in an earlier scene
• (Special Move) Tongue kissing Charlie Day

Cloverfield

• Power of almost destroying JJ Abrams’ career
• Weird lice
• Pretty sneaky for a giant monster
• (Special Move) Power of making the audience barf

Godzilla (old)

• Power of hilariously ill-fitting rubber suit
• Power of amusing stoners
• Love/hate relationship with Tokyo
• (Special Move) Power of overt allegory for the atomic bomb

Godzilla (2014 reboot)

• Lightning barf
• Power of emoting harder than the rest of the cast combined
• Power of erasing Ken Watanabe’s backstory and character motivation
• Power of appearing only in America
• Power of forgetting that Godzilla started out as an allegory for the atomic bomb
• (Special Move) Power naps

King Kong

• Power of being kinda racist when you think about it
• (Special Move) First warning that Peter Jackson might not actually be a brilliant filmmaker

The Iron Giant

• Power of free will
• Power of love
• Power of art
• Power of friendship
• (Special Move) Power of making me drown in my own tears

Cthulhu

• Really good branding
• Power of embarrassing nerds trying to pronounce his name in public
• Power of attracting really good authors
• Power of being in the public domain
• (Special Move) Long naps