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Category Archives: Goofs

Things that design sites have called bookshelves (which are not, in fact, functioning as bookshelves)

This is not a bookshelf. This is a graphic design student’s attempt to hide the fact that he doesn’t own many books, and he never, ever feels the need to pick one up and actually read it. This is not a bookshelf. It is a whimsical pottery display with a hint of unintentional swastika. This is…

Roy Moore knows the secret of bisexuals

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is concerned that two bisexuals who get married would create a family of four. And he’s absolutely right. As Roy Moore knows, all bisexuals are actually composed of two very short people pretending to be one normal-sized adult human. That is why bisexuals always wear figure-concealing trench coats. When someone is referred to as bi-curious,…

Welcome to my humble home

Welcome to my 200 square foot free-standing house. I made it out of part of a reclaimed shipping container. I live here with my husband, two kids, three dogs, and a parrot. I know it’s a tight squeeze, but we don’t mind! We’re all right with the small space! We love being around each other!…

How to Ruin Your Productivity and Destroy Your Life: tips from my new self-help book

Thinking about starting a project? One project is for losers. Try starting five projects, then get overworked and never complete any of them. How many hours are you sleeping per night? 8 hours? Yeah, that’s a time-waster right there. Hack your sleep schedule with a series of 5 minute power naps; this is guaranteed to…

Common symptoms of brain worms

The exact same symptoms as that disease your aunt keeps posting about on Facebook. Overwhelming urge to diagnose yourself with WebMD. Sudden preoccupation with toxins, cleansing, radio waves, GMOs, brain-controlling parasites secretly transmitted by cats, pesticides, oxidants, anti-oxidants, double plus good oxidants. The exact same symptoms as that disease you learned about when you were…

How to count Millennials

1 Millennial: Spoiled brat 2 Millennials: New York Times trend piece (Style section) 3 Millennials: Flash mob (hipster) 4 Millennials: Flash mob (mainstream) 5 Millennials: New York Times trend piece (Op-Ed section) 6 Millennials: Unpaid interns, class of 2017 7 Millennials: Trendy urban core 8 Millennials: Gentrification 9 Millennials: Tech start-up 10 Millennials: New York…