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Category Archives: Goofs

The best inadvertently sexy lines from that Evangelical Harry Potter rewrite

Have you read Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles yet? It’s supposedly a rewrite of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, made safe for Evangelical Christians. Every moment of it is so perfectly, deliciously insane that readers are already insisting it must be a prank. But I want to believe.   On the porch was standing a huge, muscular man with a big,…

Hot tips from my new design magazine

Hello again, indoctrinated readers! We know you just loved our women’s magazine. You read it until your eyeballs bled! This is as we intended! But we know you can’t get enough of our signature style, so we’re starting a design magazine. Working title: Better Holes and Empty Lots with the Wind Soughing Softly Across the Bare Dirt. Catchy,…

Kaiju powers

The Host HR Giger lips Skull vomiting Gross little arms Power of bringing dysfunctional family together (Special Move) Power of thinly veiled allegory for American imperialism Otachi Acid barf Power of flight Power to create life Power to create references to Jeff Goldblum movies Power of plot complications Power of forgetting to mention Chekhov’s Sword in an…

Ye Olde Slashe Shippes: Aubrey Beardsley

These aren’t actually medieval; they’re Aubrey Beardsley‘s illustrations for an 1893 special edition of Le Morte D’Arthur. You’ve probably already seen the famous picture of the Lady of the Lake with Excalibur, because it’s one of the only ones where everyone has their pants on.

I’m not kidding about the no pants thing. Le Morte D’Arthur was apparently Beardsley’s first commission. He drew dicks all over everything, and the Victorians said, “Yes, this is exactly the correct amount of dicks required to illustrate the rise and fall of the a legendary king” and turned him into one of the most influential artists of his age.

Pictures are after the jump because they’re not safe for work, unless your office specializes in cartoon penises.

Ask two Jews, get three Seders

It’s Passover, which means that it’s time for the annual arguing over what is and isn’t kosher for Passover. Judaism is an ancient religion with a proud tradition of academic debate, which means that when it comes to dietary restrictions, some of us are noshing on shrimp tartar and some won’t drink tap water (this…